Older Dads Confess: Our Parenting Mistakes Are Intentional! : Episode 33 Part 1

0:00 We've talked about the Aikopuka Cloud the pink cloud that we put on the shopping cart. Yes Yes One of the things that I'm now entertained by is I think because it's so you know She's little and the shopping cart is wide and this thing covers the whole thing and now it's so soft and comfy She just sleeps now Baby, Josie does the north side lean And I said that to Kelly, she's like, what's what's the north side lean? But I don't know if that's just a Syracuse thing It must be a Syracuse thing So when we were growing up Or when we were younger We would call it the north side lean Where everybody would be driving around Left hand on the wheel, right hand like Right elbow on the center console Pretty much in the passenger seat You could barely see over the dash But so now she kind of does that That's funny I don't straighten her up because it just looks so cute She's kind of hanging out there So funny So she does the north side lean which I think is really cute North side!

1:01 This is the gray hair and daycare podcast With a combined age of 111 years And a combined IQ Right in that same range Your hosts Frank Sirio and Carlo Russo Welcome back Here we are Here we are Once again, a lot less time In between recording this time Which I think is nice You mean after a year and a half we're getting good at this? It has been a year So it was a year October 29th And we're in November now Wow And we haven't really missed a lot It was the release of the first episode You've been pretty constant We've been relatively Since the baby At first Before the baby Every week See what kids do They ruin our podcast time They take a lot of time But worth every second So as always I am Frank Sirio I am 56 years old And my little girl Baby Josie Is Eight months And one week old Eight months And one week old That's creeping up too It's going by fast It's a difference though We came over last Week for dinner With my wife

2:31 And it's just so much different I think the last time we had dinner Baby Josie wasn't even Couldn't even hold her head up I don't think she was doing any of that stuff But now she was sitting there With a chicken in her hand Dealing cards Telling dirty jokes It was crazy It's all good stuff So we are going to get right into it We have an action packed episode for you And we'll start off With almost always I find something To do a book report that is not a book So here we are With Book Report So As always So the article is From Newsweek.com I would never think to look for kid stuff On Newsweek But this was I think a really good article And it brought up a lot of my own childhood trauma That we can talk about So it is a child psychologist Reveals parenting habits That create Struggling adults And basically It was a psychology professor Named Daniel J.

3:39 Morin And there were a bunch of blurbs And basically what it was talking about Overall throughout the article Is parents that Generally may have Not had the best childhood That then decide they want to make their Childhood perfect So they remove all obstacles And they're constantly Trying to make things Perfect for the kid Which has its own set of Problems So basically Daniel Morin I think he made a few points That I thought were really good Learning to stay present Feel the hard stuff And keep moving forward That's what matters Talking about letting the kid Struggle a little bit Safely But not Just Not making them dependent on you By doing everything for them When there are things they can do That you're kind of robbing them of Any sense of agency Or accomplishment or things like that He also made a point which I thought was really good About over scheduling Versus boredom Now I know My childhood there was a lot of boredom Imagination goes crazy And that was exactly his point Boredom is where creativity And self-direction grow I mean I remember A lot of times But that's what you do You turn to your own imagination And creativity

5:10 That's where people pick up drawing Or building something Or playing an instrument Or even reading I'm bored I guess this book everybody talks about Then all of a sudden You become a great reader You need to be bored You need to be bored I don't know if the over scheduling thing When your boys were coming up It was probably just A little bit of that We had one Thing that they loved And it was football And we kept it to that We didn't add to that We tried not to do Five sports I see people doing sport after sport Or a club after club Whatever it is And that just takes away from everybody It makes your day a lot longer And harder Then you don't spend a lot of family time Because you're always running around If you have more than one child In different directions So I don't think we sat down And decided that That was the way it happened We'll go to football And the nice thing is both kids were there And me and my wife were both there So we would walk around We'd do our exercise We would talk And we'd watch our kids So we kind of made it a family thing But we didn't overload it There's a lot of that And in some ways I think sure Like my nephew Both his daughters Have been involved in competitive volleyball He coaches And that becomes a thing

6:41 That he does with his daughters It's their thing It's their thing Between dad and daughter And I think that's awesome But at the same time It's super expensive And he spends a lot of time The whole weekends It's an investment of not only money But a lot of time So kind of the final point That the one psychology professor made If we want confident, capable young adults You have to let kids practice Being uncomfortable A little discomfort today Can build the Psychological flexibility they'll need tomorrow And I think that is 100% true Because life is not Bubble wrapped There's going to be edges It's going to hurt And sometimes you might get cut And you have to figure it out You've got to build them coping mechanisms That's 100% true The other one that was mentioned in the article Was Dr. Samantha Whiten I think is how you pronounce it Dr. Samantha Whiten And her little blurbs Over helping breeds over dependence Very true And then she talks about kind of like The see try do method Of show your kid how to do something Watch them when they try And then Step away And let them do it With confidence Like you got this And step back Also it's nice when they can't do it And you watch them figure it out Instead of going no no no

8:12 This is what you do Just let them do it Because they will either figure it out Or They're going to remember Nobody's going to help me out I've got to keep doing it Even if I fail I've got to keep figuring this out Without a doubt And what's funny was I was talking to Kelly about this earlier Because in my childhood When I wanted to learn to ride a bike My father had bought It must have been like on sale So he bought A 26 inch 10 speed bike And I was a child I was little That was the only bike I had And it was very clear That was the only bike I was going to get Now he was also When I was like From maybe very beginning In school till maybe 12 Or 13 My dad was in a pretty serious depression I think you did mention that So he was like Completely Missing So when I'm learning to ride a bike There was nobody Helping me My sisters and brother had already moved away My dad was not around for that And my mom was doing everything else So I wasn't allowed to Take the bike out on the road We lived kind of in the city And so our driveway Was run across Like big rocks And I have this 26 inch bike And I remember as a kid

9:42 I would go get There were cinder blocks laying around Our yard for whatever reason I don't know why I would get a cinder block I would prop the bike up I would have to get on the cinder block To get on the bike So I'd get on the thing And then try to go And with the rocks And I would I remember doing that A lot And just thinking Even at that age I knew If I wanted to be able to ride a bike I had to figure it out And thank goodness I think after probably seeing Me do this a lot My sister's first husband My godfather Tom Took me To the street He took me to A guy who sold used Refurbished bikes And they got me Like a 20 inch Normal bike that I would have A chance with And I learned to ride on that God I have this similar story And I remember My father's comment on that was I don't know why you would drive a Ford When you got a Cadillac in the garage Like that was his thing Mine's better It's too big I'll be on that when I'm 14 It'll be great I'm telling this story To Kelly And she's like this makes a lot of sense Because I am now I'm always number one With whatever I do

11:13 I'm never afraid to just I figure stuff out I've always been that way But I think for me it almost has worked To my detriment sometimes Because it is foreign I don't ask for help I don't like to rely on You're on the other spectrum I don't want I don't like Having that stuff And I think That's important to have Relationships, work You have to have that It's time for you to help me I feel very Alone In many parts of my life I can see that in you Because of that I don't want to ask for help I don't want to rely I will figure out how to do and build and create Whatever it is I want to do Or build or create Which is good But I don't want my daughter To think that way I want her to have The good parts of what I have But yeah We're human, we all need help I know that it's okay That you can rely on people If you have the right people in your life They want to help you You have to be a whole person I have a whole You have to be a whole person And that's complete Not that I'm saying I'm complete No man is an island No man is an island But I have a similar My dad, I don't know if he was depressed I think he was

12:45 Obviously we didn't know what it was He just called it He was angry And also wasn't very Fatherly And my mother She did everything else Riding a bike was not even in the cards I remember For me to get a bike And I don't feel proud of this But that was back in the day I think I had to Talk somebody out of their own bike And I kind of like stole it I took their bike And I said I'm going to paint it for you And all that And I never gave it back And the father came So I remember my next door neighbor Older gentleman named Carl He said I'll sell you a bike And I think it was like five dollars And somehow I got it for my Birthday money or something And I give him the money And he pulls up this 26 inch 27 inch Huge women's bike And I'm like I guess I'm Gonna ride this This is what I got And my next door neighbor taught me how to Ride a bike her name was Janice My parents never did So that kind of told me My parents are not going to do it So you have to Find somebody That was your lesson My lesson was keep going On the gravel Until you can do it Although I did end up Get some help

14:16 Somebody will help you It's interesting to think about With that stuff The article was really good To think about I can see it even now With baby Josie With just learning to crawl Her instinct is not To figure it out You have to let her Work at it And you can hear her She makes these little She's frustrated But you keep her trying For a little while And then you move on And give her a break There's plenty of stuff That we're going to help them out with It's not like oh my god Don't do anything That's impossible You're going to do it I'm still doing something For my 24 year old And my 19 year old But if you are that parent The helicopter parent The bubble wrap parent I'm going to do everything for I'm not the smartest person In the world That can't be healthy On any aspect Of this child Growing up That's the person Who wants to bring their mother To their interview For their first job If they even go to work I would just feel At some point There would be some gratification In helping my child But I would feel like such a failure If I had to go What did I do I'm going on an interview

15:46 Oh my god What did I do to this person It's interesting And unfortunately There's a lot of children That were brought up this way Yeah there were So that was Again it was at newsweek.com The two professors were Daniel Morin and Dr. Samantha Whiten And it was a really interesting article So That was our book report Don't miss any of the fun Subscribe on YouTube Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok And now This is another Last time we had I was wrong but I was right This time we have I was wrong You were wrong Of course So here we are with I was wrong So This time I was wrong came to me In the form of a text message From your lovely wife Where she took issue with I think I was saying How brilliant my wife is And she was Mostly jokingly saying So she's the only brilliant wife And then Carlo didn't say anything Now what I think works In your favor though is The next episode before she Is that episode out?

17:08 That she hasn't seen yet but she will You say our wives are so much smarter than us Yeah I said we're dumb You said exactly what she wanted to hear In that episode but didn't I kind of doubled down I was joking with her Because she says that I text back I'm like I don't think I just said wives I just think I said she's the most brilliant person I know And she's like oh that's even better There's not one time I do not feel like A stupid man Around my wife God forbid if I watch Jeopardy I know nothing I sometimes sit there This is honest to God I sometimes sit there and go Did I go to school?

17:51 Did anything retain In this peanut brain Anything because I'm like Did I skip that day? History? Math? English? I wish I could remember You know how windows will Change your desktop To a different thing So this time I turn it on I think it might have been a monkey But it was a cute picture So I'm like Kelly will like this So I snap a picture on my phone I text it to her And she replies oh And then she names like What it is And I'm like I sent it to you because I thought it was cute I don't know what this is This reminded me of me A monkey And you know the name of it He's a distant cousin I'm right with you I tell everybody Anytime I have That my wife is The smartest person I know The first time I ever heard of the term Marrying up I think they were talking about George Debbie Bush The younger of the two And his wife He would openly talk about how much smarter she was She was like a school teacher And everybody agreed We got you Pres Yeah we did I consider you very smart I'm pretty smart You got stuff going on I boil water

19:23 And that's about it Yeah we're both lucky We're both lucky men So Trina you're brilliant too Your husband said it Without being prompted You just have to rewind It was something we recorded before we got Involved in this I was wrong We think so highly of you We still do the I was wrong Even though we kind of proved ourselves The other way Not even a little So that was I was wrong And now We'll move right into What just happened So we just talked about The first thing that would happen Which was she has graduated to the big tub So that means now We're kind of at this place Where we have to Make a decision of What happens to the Equipment that is no longer used Now we got the tub The grown out equipment Does it go Do we think about I got questions for you I got questions for you And I love you to death You're 107 now 107 yes My biological age He's a vampire My biological age is Generally I would say to a parent That has that question Are you guys planning another child Yes That would be the question That would be your first question You guys are probably planning on one or two

20:55 Or three Keep it I don't want to get into personal life So one is reusing it Two is giving it to a family That needs it Or Three we just kind of Rescue Donate So what do you think This is one of those things That I think You know obviously There's my age and then There's Kelly's age Kelly is significantly younger But still she was just At the point of What they consider She's considered A geriatric pregnancy Now My mother in 1969 Was 42 When she had me And that was her best work That was And now Kelly's around that age So I'm not Obviously there are challenges But And I have not We have not had We just kind of smile at each other when that question Comes up We haven't had a real serious conversation But I would think I am already Thinking I would do this again in a heartbeat I don't care how old I am If there's a breath of life in me

22:26 I would want to experience all this again Because I mean we talk about being old But you're still not an old person There are physical challenges And I'm sure they're going to get a lot worse When she's mobile and running around But they get older too And you get to experience stuff And I'm not sure I'll be interested I would say with almost 100% confidence That there's no way Kelly would say Forget it Shut it up She may not be as enthusiastic About it as I am But I know it is Important for both of us To the idea of having A sibling That We all have She has Great memories with her siblings You and your brother We have And mine is different But I have wonderful Relationships With my siblings as well Can I ask you a question?

23:26 Are you mad That you had older parents Do you think something is missing That you're like I can't believe They had me Exactly I always said that That's what your kids They're not going to be like why did they have me They're going to be like I'm so glad I had my parents Yeah honestly even if that ever came up Like why did you do it I could just tell them stories about what I was like When I should have had kids And they'd be like thank you But at the same time At the same time Because I say that about myself I think we are responsible enough to know If something like that happened In our young age we would buckle down I know without a doubt We didn't because that situation Didn't happen I have been surprised That is one of the things that Really surprised me About becoming a father And that is I was very productive And Good and very Worked hard I was you know I was in a slouch before my baby I worked really hard at lots of things Right personal stuff Professional stuff And I am way More Driven Since that little girl was born Than I have ever been And I never would have imagined I could turn it up Not that I was a dynamo

24:57 But you know I never felt like I was Phoning it in I always try to work hard And do a good job And really do the best I could With whatever I was doing And now it is just like I Work later I spend more time I do less When I think about the amount of time I spent Watching television or playing video games Or doing other things none of that stuff You don't even think about it Because I am thinking about all the other things That I want to do for Us and for her I think you are right I would have stepped up Because I never would have Expected this but still I also know I mean I was I wasn't young But I wasn't in my 50s I was in my early 30s And I didn't know What I was doing But I am also Glad That I never really got too bad As a single person I didn't get into drugs I didn't get into alcohol I was a mess In financial I didn't know how to take care of myself Because again My parents Were helping me Don't pay for rent Live here for free Which now that kind of ruined me Because now I am like money means nothing I don't have to pay for anything I will just waste it at a bar Hanging out or out to dinner You were able to have a different lifestyle Than you would have been able to

26:27 But what I would say to that question Would be If you are still in that mode Of I don't know You hold on to it You store them Until you know you don't have to store them anymore Either way I think that is what we will do Set the stuff aside Hopefully somebody in the family Will need them It will work itself out If you guys are ready for that conversation Now my question is not to get too detailed Would it be harder Or better Is it harder or easier the second time For pregnancy I think There are always challenges But I don't see I don't know There is two things The risks I just read a lot about Just recently There was a whole slew of articles About the associated risks Of an older father Right So somebody at my age Risks of autism Down syndrome So There is that But I don't believe I think we are both Generally healthy People We come from Good stock Italian, Polish, Indian Solid We are okay My wife and I had The option

27:57 Obviously we were younger I have a 24 year old and a 19 So there was a time Where we didn't even think about it We were just raising our first And then it got to a point Where we were like And I just had to look at my wife When she got pregnant And didn't even enjoy The fun part But it took a while For us to get to that conversation And when we did we were ready I don't think it will be like that for us We were younger It has to be like tomorrow It will probably be quicker But honestly I would And the idea I am thrilled And thrilled with having my daughter I have never been happier in my whole life But the idea of having A little boy You got your daughter already Having a little boy I like having the older sister And the younger brother I always wanted an older sister I mean I love my older brother But I always Thought like I have my older brother For brother stuff But I always wished Somebody older than him Like a female older That could help us all Kind of like in between a mom And an assistant mom So we will see We will see how that goes So we graduated to the big tub We have covered a lot of ground And we have even more to share with you

29:29 About Baby Josie's adventures But we are going to close for now So don't forget to subscribe to us On YouTube and follow us On Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok Thanks for sticking with us Don't forget to give us a like on this episode And we will see you next time Well folks That is another episode of the Greyhair And Daycare podcast in the books Thanks very much for tuning in and spending this time with us We hope it was fun If you enjoyed this week's descent into the madness Of dadness be sure to subscribe to the podcast So you don't miss any of our future adventures And while you're at it Give us a like And share the cast with your friends On Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Carrier Pigeon Whatever you crazy kids are using Have any hilarious parenting stories of your own?

30:12 Questions about navigating fatherhood Later in life Or even when normal people do it Email us at ghdc.podcast At gmail.com We'd love to hear from you And now if you'll excuse me I'm going to bed