Ep 33 Part 1: Older Dads Confess: Our Parenting Mistakes Are Intentional!
👶 The North Side Lean and the Dangers of Over-Parenting: A Gen X Dad's Book Report
Welcome back to the Gray Hair & Daycare: Gen X Dad, Gen Beta Baby podcast! Frank (56) and Carlo (55) are here, celebrating the show's one-year anniversary and sharing the latest updates on Dad life with Baby Josie, who is now eight months and one week old.
The Adorable "North Side Lean"
Frank starts with a heartwarming, yet hilarious, observation of Baby Josie using her new Aiko Puca shopping cart cloud. The plush cover makes the cart so soft and comfy that Josie just falls asleep. But it's the position she sleeps in that brings a chuckle. Frank calls it the "North Side Lean" , a term he believes is unique to Syracuse.
"We would call it the north side lean where everybody would be driving around. Left hand on the wheel, right hand like, right elbow on the center console, pretty much in the passenger seat, you could barely see over the dash".
Now, eight-month-old Josie does the same thing in the cart , and Frank, of course, doesn't straighten her up because "it just looks so cute".
The Kids Ruined Our Podcast (But It Was Worth It)
The hosts celebrate the first anniversary of the podcast's initial episode release back on October 29th. They joke about how raising kids (specifically, Baby Josie) takes a lot of time.
"See what kids do? They ruin our podcast time," Frank laughs, quickly adding, "But worth every second".
Carlo, reflecting on how fast time goes, notes the difference in Josie since their last family dinner: "Baby Josie wasn't even couldn't even hold her head up ... But now she was sitting there with a chicken in her hand".
Book Report: Child Psychologists on Parenting Mistakes
Frank moves into his traditional "Book Report" segment, this time drawing insights from a Newsweek article featuring a child psychologist. The article reveals parenting habits that create struggling adults.
The main takeaway is aimed at parents who try to make their child's life "perfect" by constantly removing all obstacles, often due to their own difficult childhoods.
1. The Necessity of the Struggle
Psychology Professor Daniel J. Morin emphasizes that kids need to learn to "stay present, feel the hard stuff, and keep moving forward". Parents who constantly intervene are essentially "robbing them of any sense of agency or accomplishment". This highlights the subtle parenting mistakes that can lead to over-dependence.
2. Over-Scheduling vs. Boredom
Morin also stresses the value of boredom. Frank and Carlo reminisce about their childhoods, where boredom was common.
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Key Insight: "Boredom is where creativity and self-direction grow".
Carlo agrees, noting that being bored is where people often pick up drawing, building, reading, or playing an instrument. The hosts note that they consciously avoided over-scheduling their own children, sticking primarily to one activity, like football, to ensure family time wasn't sacrificed.
3. Practicing Discomfort
The overall message for parents who want confident, capable young adults is this: "You have to let kids practice being uncomfortable". A little discomfort today builds the psychological flexibility needed for tomorrow.
Carlo drives this point home with some essential fatherhood advice: "Life is not bubble wrapped. There's going to be edges. It's going to hurt, and sometimes you might get cut, and you have to figure it out. You've got to build them coping mechanisms".
Dr. Samantha Whiten, also cited in the article, suggests the "See, Try, Do" method:
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See: Show your kid how to do something.
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Try: Watch them as they attempt it.
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Do: Step away and let them do it with confidence.
Carlo emphasizes the importance of watching them figure things out instead of jumping in to help right away.
The Bike Story: When Unhelpfulness Leads to Extreme Self-Reliance
Frank shares a powerful personal story that illustrates this concept on the extreme end. As a small child, he desperately wanted to learn to ride a bike, but his depressed father was completely absent from the process. The only bike he had was an oversized 26-inch 10-speed.
Determined, young Frank would prop the huge bike up on cinder blocks in the gravel driveway just to get on it and try to go. He knew, even as a kid, that if he wanted to ride, he had to figure it out himself.
While his eventual success led to him being a naturally confident problem-solver, he realized that he also ended up on the "other spectrum" : he never asks for help and dislikes relying on others.
"I feel very alone in many parts of my life because of that I don't want to ask for help ... I don't want my daughter to think that way," Frank explains. He wants her to have the good parts of his self-sufficiency, but also understand that it's okay to rely on people.
As Carlo wisely concludes, "No man is an island".
Did Frank's bike story resonate with your own childhood, or do you have a story of having to figure things out on your own? We'd love to hear it! Email us your fatherhood tips or questions.
