Family Drama, Mouse House Madness, & A Diaper Diet Disaster : Episode 28

0:00 I always thought if it was a little boy, it would be fun to make like a pirate ship. Wouldn't it? But, and I would really love to do a tree house, but I have no trees that would accommodate that. But yeah, that'll be the big project. Don't you think, you don't think pirate ships would be... For a little girl? No. It could be. Then, I don't want her to be a pirate wench. I don't want her to be a pirate. I don't know. I'm thinking it's going to be more a whimsical castle. Something with a drawbridge or a moat. Something like that. It's going to be so, it's going to be like huge. It might be big, but that's okay. You go either 124th scale, what is it?

0:41 124th scale, or I'm going to need a permit. A full castle. I'm going to have to go to the town offices. It's going to be... No, no, it's not another house. It's just a playhouse. Yeah. But it's 1,200 square... And I'm going to need alligators in the water. But it's 1,200 square feet and has a concrete foundation. This is the Gray Hair and Day Care Podcast. With a combined age of 111 years and a combined IQ right in that same range. Your hosts, Frank Sirio and Carlo Russo.

1:24 Welcome back. Here we are. Here we are. I'm going to apologize up front. Oh, God. Because there has been a lot happening with going back to work. Life. Just life happening with a new baby. So I've been a little out of cycle. We're recording late. We released our last episode late. It's not all on you. No. I also have been busy and... This is what this man tries to do. He tries to take it on when in reality it is absolutely on me. We're a team, brother. I appreciate that. But no. We've been real busy. It's been all good. Yeah. But we're here now. We are here now. Yeah. And I'm very happy to announce, as always, I am Frank Sirio.

2:07 I am 55 years old still for another couple months. And my little daughter, baby Josie, is exactly, as we record this, is exactly 18 weeks old. Wow. She is four months old. We're getting ready to go head into next week into her four-month checkup. Nice. Very excited for that. The time is flying by. She makes me smile. The picture I sent you yesterday, there's just moments where I'm like, I have to take pictures. Because she gets giggly and happy. The last one I saw was the toesies. Yeah. I'm holding her and her feet are like inches from the...

2:48 I'm doing a selfie. They look like... So she looks like she's got flippers. But it was an adorable picture. The one that I loved was the day before, or maybe two days before, the giggle one. Yeah. And you're... Yes. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah, she's... How do you not just... How does your heart not melt? Anyone... All the time. Right? It's like... And you start doing things. And anything that gets any kind of fun or engaging response, for some reason or another, I don't know why. Yeah. You remember... I think he died recently. Oh, God. Buster Poindexter. Buster Poindexter. Remember Buster Poindexter? Is that a musician? It was. Yeah. He had one hit as Buster Poindexter. Was it hot, hot, hot? Hot, hot, hot.

3:29 Right? Hot, hot, hot. I sure do. Now, I know he had... MTV was all over that. He had a whole other thing, a band that was a real band. He had another name. He had a big name. I don't remember it. I can't remember it. Was he also part of the New York Dolls? Yes. That's what it was. New York Dolls. I didn't know it. Okay. So for some reason, I'm like... I played that song. Yes, you did. And she just loved it. Now, I'm like, whoa, she likes these kind of Cuban beats, rhythm. So I started... I'm like, play Cuban Pete. And so I'm playing all this old Desi Arnaz and so... And she loves it all. That's awesome. It's so much fun. Yeah. It's really... It's been cool. So... 18 weeks. 18 weeks.

4:09 Four months. Yeah. And growing by leaps and bounds. Yes. It'll be fun to get the official weight update. But yeah. So that'll happen next week. We used to love that. We used to guess. What do you think? What do you... Yeah. We didn't have a podcast. No. To do that. We didn't. But we did the guessing at home. Yeah. Then we'd get there. And... Lots of... Changes. Lots of fun changes. So it is good. But we're going to dive right in. We've got lots of stuff to talk about. The first thing we're going to do is, one, we've done a few book reports. You have, yes. But the book reports have been about articles online and from a couple different websites. But this time, we're actually going to do a book report on Booker.

4:50 So here we are with the book report. Now, this is... What do you got there, Francis? This is the book that I have mentioned previously. Yes. And I feel a little... It's a little strange because it's out of print. It's hard to get. Oh, good luck, guys. But that doesn't mean it is any less viable. So this book was recommended to me by my nephew's wife. Okay. She swore by it. It is called The Baby Sleep Solution. The Baby Sleep Solution. Yeah. And it is by a woman named Susie Giordano. Love her so much. In quote, the baby coach. So where this woman kind of rose to prominence, I guess, in the baby world, she was a consultant that helped people who have twins and triplets to get their babies on a schedule.

5:43 Because when you got... More than one. More than one. Yeah. When you're outnumbered right away, you got to get good fast. So her whole thing was she could get any baby or sets of babies to sleep 12 hours without coming up by 12 weeks. So three months old, sleep in 12 hours without waking up for no eating. Feeding. No feeding. 12 hours using her system. That's a life changer. Can you imagine? Yeah. At three months, that would be incredible. Yeah. But also, it doesn't fit for every lifestyle.

6:24 So for us, I wanted to do it because clearly, having talked to my nephew and his wife, she was very regimented, had a program, really consistent, and really thought there were significant benefits for their daughter. With that? Using this book. So as we were getting to the point where we were starting to approach Kelly going back to work, I wanted us to... Because we were just kind of... Things were evolving on their own. She was already sleeping, say, six and a half, seven hours before having to get up. But it was kind of a little bit free form. There was a bedtime routine that was usually pretty consistent, but not naps at specific times and certainly not feedings at specific times and this kind of lays it all out, but like I said the book is Going for and sets you up for this goal of sleeping through the night for 12 hours without any feedings because then they're feeding more often during the day gotcha and The problem is with Kelly's work if the baby is going down about say going down at 7 asleep by 8 Okay, that would mean she's not getting up until 8 right 12 hours.

7:42 Kelly is leaving for work before 8 So she would still be in bed Yeah And when she's doing full-time isn't gonna get home until 5 and then the baby's so she would see the baby Two and a half hours of this at best. We don't want to do that so we modified it but use some of the use some of the kind of the Instructions on how to organize your day and how to to set it up but with the goal of Basically the bedtime routine starts around 7 and she gets up about 6 30. Okay, so you're just shortening the 12 hours Yeah, and she's keeping the keeping the regimen of how to get to 12 hours But just doing it in a shorter and we're doing that with one wake up.

8:27 So she goes to bed So she gets maybe around 2 30 Okay, she'll have a she'll have a short feed then back to sleep and then 6 30 she's up again But but so it's almost 12 hours, but with one feeding that was 12 hours No, no feedings. So I do think valuable book now you can find I found it It's out of it is out of print, but I found a used one on Amazon Okay, it's got some some whoever had it before me has little notes in there. I found them helpful Yeah, but we can do the trade, you know people we can yeah Let me know it's it's I think I think it was valuable just cool. It was helpful When did you start putting some of that in action?

9:08 How long so this is this is week three of your Kelly's return to work Okay, so we started this right just before. Okay. Yeah, but that's it So that's called the baby sleep solution a proven program to teach your baby to sleep 12 hours a night without drugs or alcohol She's working with twins triple I can't imagine you need 12. Oh, yeah, how could you possibly you you need 12 hours? Yeah, no, that's that's a scary to do it. Yeah. No, it's a lot. So we recommend that Yeah, I would give it what we're using rattles. Yeah, five rattles five rattles worth it great recommendation from Jenny My nephew Shane's wife awesome.

9:51 And I really liked it. So I think it's been helpful For us, even though we didn't we're not doing exactly that program. It was Structure How to work with them as they're settling in and going to sleep and all those things. Okay, so it was good Yeah, so that is book report. Don't miss any of the fun subscribe on YouTube. Follow us on Facebook Instagram and tick-tock now We're gonna come into the one we have not done in a while No, we haven't and admittedly some of the math and this can be confusing But we're gonna do an update of the diaper diet So for those of you who are longtime Listeners and viewers you'll remember that my goal was as Kelly was gaining weight through the pregnancy I was trying to lose as much as she gained and then when she started to lose I wanted to continue So if she gained 30 pounds and then lost it all my goal would have been to lose 60 which I could probably Deal, I could probably do that and it would be good for me But that was the goal and we were gonna kind of track how I was doing.

11:02 That's the plan. So obviously We are now, you know four months in to our new little girl, baby Josie But the last time we did this was a while back. I think a couple months ago and Yeah, probably. Yeah, the gap was Kelly had gone up 34 and down 21 so that would be a 55 pound gap and I had lost 22.2 pounds so I was behind by like 32.8 So but basically that's where we were. She went up 34 down 21. I was down 22.2 What are your what do you see us?

11:42 I saw you both. We were just very recent. Yes, very recently I will say this This was funny. I love this game and this now I'm I'm also operating in kind of uncharted territory with the podcast right now Okay Is this is the episode that our previous episode that has been out for a while now episode 27 Kelly still has not even seen she was not able to participate when I edited it And has not listened So there's there's a gap in here So now I think I am emboldened by that to tell this next story when we're at the party I mean, this is a whole new world for me with Kel We come to you. We come to the graduation party, which we'll talk about later. And we had had a little bit of lunch before Okay, we so I said look you hold the baby.

12:28 I'll go fix a plate that we can both pick from. Gotcha I get up I go I pick up an assortment of all the food was fantastic Thank you. I get back down. I sit down. I take the baby. Go ahead have some and Kelly proceeds to kill the whole plate And I'm like Okay, we had a lot of food. I went back. I made another trip got myself funny So that should it for you Kelly that could inform your guess as to how things are Well, they could go two ways. Yes, I could go to that go two ways One way it would be she's not been eating So she lost so much weight that now she's catching up, right?

13:08 She's so hungry or she's just kept on eating There is and I know how she looks like so yeah in her defense, obviously breastfeeding still breastfeeding 100% the baby has never had an ounce of formula. Okay, so from last time. Do you think we're down? We're up She's done. I'm I'm up. I think you're both down. Okay, okay I don't think she's at her zero point yet. So 34 pounds would be her zero, right? That'd be yeah. Yeah, she would have lost 30 pounds would be even the last time we did this She would have had to lose another 13 to be back to back to zero. Yes. I don't I don't think that's the case, right?

13:50 I'm gonna say she lost nine pounds. Okay, and I'm gonna say you lost Then lose it so much faster I'm gonna be nice because you look beautiful to me all the time. This is a minefield. I don't know why I do this Do I sound rude I'm gonna say you both lost about the same. I'm gonna say you're because Men just lose it quicker. I guess I'm gonna say you're at 10 pounds later. Okay, I would this is why I love this man Neither of us have lost In fact We have now I think in fairness I think over the time since we did the last diaper update We both went up and both came down a little so there was gain and then lost but now there's still So but no, so we are both we have both gone up, but I have gone up less.

14:52 I made up about Three pounds on her. So she went up a little over six pounds. I went up 2.2 So the gap is now 29.8. So but we got closer by going the wrong way and I will say part of this is My fault in that for a while during this time frame it was like Door-to-door hub fast food quick quick quick quick every day. It was five times a week. Absolutely for dinner It was not good now for the last three weeks where we've made progress through four weeks now I have been I well for Father's Day my Father's Day gift for my first Father's Day was a nice new grill So I'm I'm on the grill.

15:43 I'm making healthy meals. We haven't we haven't I don't think we I think we may have ordered pizza once In that time, which is so we've done much better going back to as normal as you can much healthier eating So I'm gonna say the next time we do this The weight is just gonna be flying off you guys I think for Kelly getting back to work is gonna be helpful for her. Do you stick to your diet better? when you include Exercise than just doing a regular diet. Yes, I do and that's one thing where that I have not accomplished normally in our normal routine We would get up and Immediately just do 30 minutes together.

16:27 I would do a 10-minute warm-up on the bike Kelly would do a 10-minute warm-up on the treadmill and then I'd do 20 minutes of stretches and stuff And she would do some some of that moving around you're getting everything Then I would go back down and when Kelly went to work I would come downstairs because we would talk on the phone and I'd do another half hour on the treadmill That none of that has happened. I haven't touched anything I think it also when you start working out you don't want to ruin what you just worked out So you're eating is gonna be so much more contained and I know on my own if I'm not working out I have no there's no rhyme or reason to yeah eating this time because it's like well I just been sitting on the couch I'm not really but if I knew I just spent an hour and a half at the gym And I'm gonna go drive to McDonald's, you know, yeah, you don't want to blow that.

17:20 Yeah, I'm gonna have a I think I noticed if I work out I sleep so much better. Oh, absolutely I'm gonna rest and then you feel when you feel more rested. It's easier to it's easier to be Good on your diet. Yeah, but yeah, so we'll see maybe we can work that in because I think Now as we'll talk about Kelly has gotten back to work. We have our caregiver Carrie coming in I'll be able to build in some of that stuff. So I think I think we'll be able to make progress Okay. Well as long as you guys are good with this gap I still I still have to make up 30 pounds to win But if we lose when your health When I get to live long enough to see baby Josie grow up Well, you can I ask you and you can edit this sure it's you know, I think podcast we can get pretty personal I promise whatever this is.

18:13 I'm not gonna edit it Well, please go all about you know, I remember when my children were born, yeah You start playing the number game. Yeah, how old am I gonna be when this happens? Oh, yeah, how old am I gonna be when that happens? It just I think our first goal was kindergarten Yeah, oh my god when when Nick Natalia starts kindergarten, we're gonna be 40 what I don't know what it was. Yeah, so I'm 56 years old Yeah, and I just had my youngest at a graduation party Yeah do you allow yourself to even go down that route or are you are you not like because obviously you're older and Graduation is gonna be 18 years down the line.

18:53 Do you well, here's what I think What I think about that. I hope that's not too personal. I think I'm 55 I think I'm she's gonna graduate high school when I'm about 67 cuz she's gonna be so brilliant She'll graduate early. Yeah, she's gonna save me that I Do I know honest to be honest? I have never done that math and thought but it's easy to do right 1873 Right. That sounds pretty old. I think about like my brother right now is 75 and I've always used him because he's 19 years older. Sure. That's kind of a barometer. He has been more fit than me for a long time And he's very healthy and he's doing great at that age, but no, I don't really think about it I could very easily think about that stuff and have it Make me worry and think am I gonna miss out or is she gonna miss out not having me as long and all it does whenever I even Flirt with that kind of thought it brings me back to nope here.

19:53 She is right now the president right now This is what I have and I'm not gonna let any thoughts about that intrude on Intrude on what I have a moment. Yeah, that's it. I and just then and then making the most of Making the most of that because you don't know you don't know but I'm hopeful. I mean I had a lot of my Last generation and my family last well into their 90s. So I mean, no, it's not right. I mean, I know what people say that but we can look back. Oh, yeah Of a 70 year old guy right now, yeah compared to one.

20:36 I mean our parents at 40 were 70. Yeah Yeah, they all the stuff that they talk to us about now We're all untreated conditions for everybody in my parents generation. They just all of a sudden at the end They were like, oh, yeah, your kidneys are shot or yes or that. So Yeah, I do think I've always said that you only got to live long enough for technology to keep you alive forever, right? But I do think about it something I think about the times where Like I think about the daddy-daughter dance or and I think about those those things that are gonna happen and I'll be like, okay She's gonna be what ain't I'm gonna be 63 I Brought up because When we were at the party, yeah, I'm thinking of course.

21:29 I'm like my son is graduate. Sure. I'm putting down I'm 56 and he's graduating. Okay, and then when you came up and you had the baby Yeah, it kind of made me like oh my god Like this is their first and that's where my mind like wow, we're in you're you're getting it Involved in the very oh, yeah for months on the other end of the book Exactly. No, it was funny because when I came when we came into the the party Your brother had just been out on Eddie's motorcycles Yes, my younger brother and and he came in then so Mike looks and he's looking and he's like, oh who's baby? And then he looks at me goes. It's your baby Yeah, it's funny I think and people in my family have mentioned it to me I Feel younger since she was born.

22:16 Oh, absolutely. Then then I did and the funny thing is When I see you guys, it's not I don't know because I know you and yeah, I don't see like that looks odd To me it's like oh you got your baby and yeah, you know, so well, yeah, I just that popped in my head going Yeah, I wonder if he does that The math game of I mean I just I even do Even do it when I get my license. I look 10 years. I'm gonna be 67 the next So I do that with a lot of my brother does that stuff but with stuff he buys from Costco He's like this one is probably gonna last me until I die I'll probably never have to buy this again.

23:01 That's funny. So that was our diaper diet update. Wish me luck. Yes And now we're going to move on to one of my favorites They're all favorites the silver Fox mailbox We've had lots of comments I have been delinquent I haven't responded to some But lots of stuff the one I think that you you will recognize you guys I have talked about a little bit. There's someone named Tanya Sultana. Yeah Tanya is Middle-eastern I'm assuming sure and is very just desperately wants to be our podcast manager Just today again, I got another message is a real person I think it is I think it's somebody who was like on up or who does on who does like she's really pitching to help Freebie She wants to get paid But I who does it?

24:00 Yeah, that's right So she's so Tanya is always concerned about the the results that we're getting on the podcast Can we ask for a video? Resume I can play and we can find a week. We could see No, she she wants to handle all of the back-end stuff on YouTube to make sure the search engine Optimization is happening and it's getting shared on so basically do that kind of podcast Promotion. She's a podcast promoter, which there are a lot of them, but she is she is persistent She currently which makes me like this. I don't know if she's Are you doing this right? Are you she's like Joe Rogan?

24:40 Yeah, I do the experience So, yeah, I have some questions We may be like a dating Tanya you may hear from us Like the dating what's that gay we've had 10 minutes at each table you gotta go Dave our friend Dave palm on Father's Day. Welcome to me to the old dad's club. I thought that was very nice Oh, yeah, many other Happy Father's Day wishes from Joanne Jennifer done Christine Oh Frank, is this our first episode after father's have we Yeah, no, I don't think we've done one Happy Father's Day. Yeah The first Father's Day was good.

25:23 Yeah, it was awesome. I had a great father's I shouldn't that should be part of what just happened and I forgot about it because everything else is happening But yeah, cuz that would have been yeah, it would have been right after We last recorded I think yeah, and you said you got the girl for Father's Day. Yeah, I got a nice girl It was a very very nice. I really like it on Father's Day. I Know it was my pride. It didn't arrive until slightly after action, but I've been using it a lot I hope I had a decent I had an old grill and I never wanted to grill Because it had hot like hot and cold spots and it just wasn't this thing is like a scorcher. It's awesome I've been doing ever pork chops Steaks burgers, there's some chicken breasts the other night.

26:05 It was really good dad. No, I felt like that I'm like, this is a very dad baby. You got the grill. You're talking about hot dogs and hamburgers and grilling And yeah, all I need now is his dad jokes and I'm ready to go So there so there were those Christine our superfan Commented on we had done a kind of an out-of-cycle video a top 10 TV dad's episode Which was funny job on that now she brought up. I like I like job She said she brought up one that I almost made it into my honorable mentions Herman Munster When you think he was a good dad in that show, he was good.

26:46 He had to deal with with With grandpa and with this one daughter who was beautiful, but they thought she was ugly That's right. She was awful and she did bring up also Ray Romano as a and he was not a good dad He was funny Yeah, I mean he's a better dad than Frank Reynolds The problem with with that show was at one at one part of the show. They just got rid of the kids, right? See him at all. I think there was like a stretch for her. They just disappear go upstairs Come down in two seasons Really Fathering.

27:28 Yeah, there wasn't as much parenting, right? Yeah, we're parents of twins like his real life. Yes, but they were just always they did something gotta laugh Yeah, that was it. Yeah, that's true earlier on they were more involved. Yeah something Yeah, but she did bring up that she also asked if I have been doing the monthly staged pictures with the to see the growth Rocking the face or like doing the having the Two months and then there's a the same stuffed animal with them. Oh the scale and the answer is I'm sorry, but no I Take tons of pictures, but I am NOT doing the planned ones And I I'm sure at some point in the future.

28:10 I will think I should have listened to Christine I know what it would have been easier to you to do Just take a picture of Watson and the baby and eventually that's true the baby's gonna Yeah, he is big and then bigger than yeah, that's true But it's not easy to get the two of them in a shot Watson is very mobile So that that was we were always excited when we see comments on the videos and likes and we get them in many ways, right? Yeah, you can get them on YouTube. You can get a lot on YouTube We see him on Facebook a lot on tick-tock and I always get likes from tick-tocks Which is always fun Different and yep, and then we occasionally we'll get the occasional email as well.

28:52 Keep them coming. Yeah, it'll be nice So that was the Silver Fox mailbox and now we will move into What just happened? We have some more Interesting kind of more serious what just happened Wow stuff to talk about but this is when we get serious It's a serious portion of the podcast. That's it. So one of the things I think we've talked about in the past is The CDC milestone app. Yeah, so there's an app That basically you give your baby's birthday and it maps out at what point you should be seeing certain developmental behaviors and things like that make sense and Baby Josie as we've been doing this for all of the social stuff and and kind of Vocalization and engagement and all those things has always been Fairly ahead of the curve right a little bit more challenging with some of the tummy time holding her hat up and things like that and So we adjusted and we started using a little wedge pillow to give her a little ramp So it helped her to engage her lower back and get her head up more and she started to make progress there It's been all good, but then of course the temptation is When you're doing this to go ahead like, oh, okay.

30:17 Well, what's next month right jump? She's three months Well, what's what's gonna be for maybe she's already doing and she was doing a lot of four months stuff But then at some point a few weeks ago, and it was really only like she was maybe three months in two weeks Okay, not even maybe three months in a week. Okay, Kelly started getting concerned that she was not Hitting one of the milestones, which is about grasping and batting Okay at some point The there was a four-month milestone Where she should be like if you're holding stuff in a little place you should be batting at things and whack and stuff doing that using her hands to make contact with okay, and It wasn't happening yet So my immediate thing is well She's just a little over three months old Not four months just because she's a head for all of this other stuff doesn't mean she's gonna be ahead for everything Of course, so but you could tell she was she started to she started to get a little a little concerned, right that okay, well, what are we gonna do and and Maybe how can we help her with this?

31:30 And of course as time as she would bring it up and I kept kind of like she's she's fine She's doing everything great. We're not they're not if we're there was even I I do all I do all this I get these Google News updates with with stuff for parenting There was a study that I was reading where they mapped out these two professors I think it was at Arizona State did like an infographic with all of the different types of developmental progress so social and verbal and physical and Engagement and mapped out how when they're supposed to when these different things are supposed to happen So you could see kind of across the different disciplines like okay Verbally, you know as far as making sounds and responding to things socially at four months They should be doing this and physically they should be doing this and you know, I balance and holding her head up They should be doing this they identified that batting grasping as something that happened between four and six months Oh, so not even at four and so I kept kind of you know, this is don't worry.

32:38 This is not gospel We're we're fine. And yeah, and it's these are all kind of every kid's different. They're gonna do she's a head for some things You know for other things, but I I could tell and I think a little bit of it is And I I know I have probably a tendency to do this, too There's lots of things with the baby that you can't control and one of the things that was happening that you really couldn't control is we were at this point ramping up into Kelly going back to work So I think the apprehension around I'm gonna have to go back to work even if it's just a couple days a week You know, I think that was starting to weigh on her a little bit and she was maybe focusing on that stuff I mean she might have been thinking I want these things to happen.

33:24 So when I go to work I'm not worrying about them. So my head can be a little clear or maybe I think maybe there's part of that I think it was more like I Don't want to think about Going back to work in two weeks So I'm gonna focus on this because it's something I can try and I'm gonna find a new toy or this or that to try to help and And I could tell That was part of it. But as we got closer all of a sudden it was like Right before we got to like a week before four months all of a sudden BAM she's like Wouldn't be funny if she becomes a woman boxing champions good So it was it was kind of funny all of a sudden BAM there it was But there were I could tell as we were getting closer to that first day back to work It was becoming evident to me Kelly started to be a little bit more a little more insulated with the baby Right.

34:26 It was more just the two of them There was more time where she was holding her and I started to get a little concerned Because we were getting close to look when she goes back to work. There's no option. Yeah, you're it's me Right, right and now we have a caregiver that's gonna help us, but the plan was originally We staggered our our return to work so that I started to work a while back But I've been on like Mondays and Wednesdays she was gonna go back Tuesdays Thursdays so really She might be working three days a week But we would only need help on one day where we were both working and then the other days it's me Gotcha.

35:09 So now I'm working on like we got to get her to take a bottle Got to get her to go to go to sleep. Yeah, and and over those last couple weeks It was like she was falling asleep at her breast right all the time. You're not doing that I can't do that So and it started and I started to try to talk about it and it got this was our most I think for for the two of us the most difficult few couple weeks because Somehow or another I don't know why but it be ever up until now it has all been the way it should be or I hope which is It's been whatever the challenge was it was us against the problem it was just the two of us trying to figure out how to how to make how to get this done for the baby and It had been that we were a team we're doing that Somehow or another and I think part of it is my own stuff The more she retreated and was more insulated with the baby the more I felt like I was the outsider I was a little on the outside and all of a sudden I think we both started down the road Probably starting with me and then her reacting where it wasn't us against the problem It was us against each other and there and and it was it was hard.

36:36 Yeah, you separated the team The tea it was not a team, right? It was Yeah, it was the two of us with opinions on what needed to be done and we weren't focusing on What the best thing to do was it we were focusing on who who's right and it was it was the conflict was It got it got challenging, right? it was hard and then to we don't have like more and that's another part of it is Before the baby and generally is our relationship. We don't have a Lot of conflict at all, right we get it. We belong very well You know like any couple you have little things here and there but nothing I don't fall into that same scenario Yeah, like there's just there's no yelling screaming.

37:24 There's no Yeah, no, there's none of that so then to have something where not only is there conflict but the stakes are also very high because we want to Do what's right for our baby? It was tough and you have nothing to go back on This is not like well the last time this happened this is happening right now first time And we I have to figure it out. Yeah, we might not know how to figure it out right now It was hard because that's the thing neither of us It's not like I have my answer that works for me right and she has her answer that works for her it is I have my theory of how it should work and she has her theory of how it should work and Neither of us Know for sure and then you try and then and then you're trying to okay Let's try it this way and then it doesn't work.

38:17 And then where are you? So it was it was tough. It was tough for we had a couple a couple, you know weekends that were that were challenging and Some conflict and some you know me being out on the like out on the porch just with my head in my hands What do I do, you know and it's tough because yeah, there's not Yeah, there's no rule book. There's no previous experience It was challenging as we rolled into her first day back was a couple weeks ago. We have a caregiver That is gonna be helping and I'm just gonna stop saying that and say her name is Carrie Part of my extended family. She's wonderful, but she ended up getting COVID and Couldn't be there for that first day back to everything up so Thank goodness to the rescue came one of my other my my cousin's wife Volunteered to help so she was there with me.

39:15 Okay that first day But again, I've got no experience. She doesn't have a whole lot of You know, well, she has lots of experience with children She has two boys of her own that are grown and other nieces and nephews and stuff But not with her not with our baby. Sure, and we don't have we don't have it fit. We can't say to her. Oh Well, this is what this time Yeah at this time Kelly does this this and this because there wasn't a dad it was like Oh, the baby is hungry Kelly's gonna fear the baby falls asleep Kelly's that's it So we didn't have that and it was it was a rough day. It was a really it was a really rough day When you say rough is it because the baby wasn't taking from you first bottle wouldn't take it Couldn't get her to go down for a nap.

40:02 And then once they get this regulated no food then no nap now It's all bets are off now. You can't do anything, right? Yes, and and I had to adjust now and it my fault when I hit we had started practicing with the bottle we Got I got her to take it a bottle a few times We did a few practice bottles, but I should have been doing a bottle every day, right wasn't happening So I tried two bottles that day Couldn't get her to take a drop. So I'm in desperation Would not take it would start crying when I tried to give it to her. So in desperation We've got another bottle now.

40:45 This was the bottle. That was the only bottle she would take okay, when I had been doing it, but it had been a couple weeks and It was out of circulation. So and and she's bigger. So I'm like, okay, there's another here's another bottle I haven't used this one. I try a new bottle got her to take a little bit. So by the end of the day Glimmers of hope but a rough day. That's tough. And then that was tough and then Then of course It's a tough it was a tough day for for us at home and Tish was very helpful and Great, you know, she did she was she was great. She was very supportive But but even for her I'm sure like there's only so much you can do right and and it was tough going into it My concern also was for this is gonna be hard for her.

41:33 She has been with this baby 24 hours a day seven days a week With with almost without interruption, it's gonna be hard and now she's got to go to a very stressful job Even if it was a short day and and feel like you're not doing your motherly. She feels like she's abandoning It's that so super hard so she gets home we get it we get it. I Didn't respect it. I know that you know, I it is percent. It's it's got to be tough I can understand that she got home and you know, I was like look, you know, it went okay it could have been better kind of we're kind of debriefing right and And I said and we were talking and because we had had some of the conflict I'm I said something to the effect of I'm sure the lad like I'm telling her In order to help us do better the next day the next time she's working But we really have to work on certain things She's got to do it a little bit differently when she's home And I said, I'm sure you the last thing after the day you had going to work I'd be told the last thing you want to hear is that she's like well I'd rather hear I'd rather hear this from you than what I heard from my mother on my way home okay, and I Thought Okay, so I haven't really talked about it very much on on the podcast But look we've talked a lot about our challenges with our relationships with our parents And you know Kelly has challenges with her with with her relationship with her mother and

43:07 You know, it's weird and when you come into a relationship and you see this person early on I always her mother seemed very nice very sweet and Just wanting to be involved I would encourage her like you should call your mother You should do it and you see the and you see the the person that they made. Yes, so you think This makes sense. Yes, absolutely This yeah, maybe just need to be you know coming at it also from a perspective of my parents already being gone Yeah, you have that. Hey, you know you got her right now. Like I was I would take advantage. Yeah Yeah, try to give her the best.

43:47 Yeah, try to give her. Yeah, you're seeing the offspring going. Well, if she's anything like yeah This person seems like a person with good intentions right seems like a person who just wants to you know, maybe he's coming across I Don't know. I I was encouraging more more Yeah But then I and but I would hear the stories and she would talk about you know Some of their interactions that were a little harder. Uh-huh, but I wasn't seeing any of it. Okay Well then over the years I have I have seen some of it of course and it's unfortunate and I wish I've said many times. I've told her and I Do wish I wish she could have had my mom for one week just one week to feel What a mom was supposed to feel like and I know you I know you probably feel the same.

44:39 Yeah Yeah, there has been some conflict in the past where I have heard her Say some things to to Kelly that were really not nice hurtful hurtful things Where and I have reacted You know, like there's a phone you should there's a phone conversation happening and I'm I'm hearing it It's on speaker and I just interject and like hey, this is not okay of course that that evolves into Her mother thinking that I'm a lunatic and worrying for her safety For Kelly safety, which is laughable, but anyway, so there have been those things so you're protecting your wife But I'm did she's worried that you're going to that.

45:22 I'm such a Italian hot Yeah, whatever So there have been those things now since the baby there have been things that have popped up things that have happened Where I really thought she had turned a corner. Okay. I thought the mother Was giving her a little bit more Perspect was being a little bit more understanding that with a new mother now became a mother there Yeah, there were even things that happened at the baptism There was like we went when we went to the dinner afterwards there was some a little kerfuffle in the ladies room as Kelly was trying to change the baby and and the mom was a little put out and At that point Kelly was thinking That though this was gonna be like a bad that like it was gonna be this is gonna take weeks for right there I see where this is going kind of and it was like a couple days and everything was back to normal So I thought wow, like maybe this is a good thing.

46:25 Maybe seeing the grandchild seeing her daughter as a mother Was going to she was gonna there was gonna there was some maybe some growth fences, right and No, no what the what the mother learned was That when I when I interjected during that one conversation because she was at home What the mother learned from that was I can't be mean to my daughter When Frank can hear it? Ah So I'm gonna save up all of the things that I'm irritated and annoyed by and I'm gonna wait until the day My daughter has to go to work for the first time And leave her daughter and on the way home Light into her with a laundry list of all the ways.

47:13 She has disappointed her Wow. I Couldn't I sat there all for almost an hour on the bed Talking, you know Kelly's in the rocker with the baby and I I didn't I couldn't I Couldn't believe it that some of the things that were said That you would no matter what it Not not just the things that were said But to do that to a woman on the day that she had to leave her baby for the first time I mean, I'm gonna ask this. I think I know the answer. Mm-hmm. She knew today was her first day. Oh, yeah What are you doing? Oh, I'm on my way home from work. Oh Yeah, she knew and and some of it centered around that right Oh, you're leaving your baby with people that you don't even know.

48:02 Oh my god Yeah With her father so and I listened to it and in what sadly what I came to was This is never gonna go away right And what I rewound to was and this this was in her I don't know if I mentioned this But well, you remember the day of the baptism the baby slept through the whole badness the entire thing the whole she didn't sleep The whole day before right right now. She's catching up. Yeah, she was catching up the next day. Yeah now I didn't think a whole lot of it But that happened then weeks later.

48:46 We went we were gonna go for a visit In Buffalo to meet with a get-together with Kelly's cousin Who was visiting the one sister's visiting from Oman the other the other Cousin is coming from Detroit. Okay that also had a baby. So we were gonna all get together at her parents house and strangely the same thing Can't sleep all day long the day before and And then going to see the family is pretty knocked out In the car sleeping most of the way and it also it dawned on me and we talked about it and this is Kelly is worried Kelly is upset because during the baptism What was happening that was out of the ordinary?

49:35 She wasn't worried about baptism she's worried about her parents coming and Dealing with her family and then she's worried about it when we're going there and as a result she gets worked up and as a result the baby gets dysregulated and I can't I have always wanted to stand up for Kelly and kind of Squelch what the parents have done what the mother has done, right? But she doesn't want me to and I can't tell her you shouldn't talk to your mother No, you shouldn't talk to your father. I don't want to do that. But I Also can't let Her willingness to engage in that way with them impact our baby Can't put harm in the right and So I just basically, you know, I reacted via text I sent a text message you did and I just I laid out that I I kind of demanded an apology for for for Kelly, absolutely and That hasn't come.

50:41 No. No sadly but Handling that I think kicked us in the direction of It was no more there was no more Me versus Kelly you got the team back. Yep Because in my all of a sudden I'm like, oh, okay. No, that's us. Yeah, this is us This is I need to take care of this baby and this woman This is my wife and we're gonna have challenges, but I'm not gonna end up like that. Yeah, right I'm not I'm not gonna End up like they are and and or or allow that stuff to kind of Affect our family.

51:23 Okay, like I won't I won't do that. So it started us down the road Put us back right back on the right road of we're a team. Let's figure this out. You had a common But yeah The world, you know like 9-11 the whole the whole country went we're all together. Yeah, we're gonna fight this one It made me I immediately thought I need to I Am it immediately made me think I need to defend my wife and it made me realize that that's not what I had been doing Okay, right like that that I learned something. I think yeah, I think for me and that's when we started talking about look We have let this get We let this go the wrong way.

52:10 We need to it's not us. It's not you against me. It's us against the problem Let's figure out it and it's been much much. It's been great We've made a lot of progress and I always go back to this as long as you know You're gonna be dealing with stuff and it's gonna come up to him. But again It's temporary. Yeah, this is temporary problems. Yeah, it'll probably solve itself in two weeks a week a month Whatever that problem. So as long as you guys understand like Let's figure this temporary thing out together because it's not a life Challenge that your child's not gonna sleep or eat The team is bigger than the problem that the and the challenge is that the baby is Extremely extremely adaptable just because we're used to doing it a certain way and then she is you can change it And yeah, there's a little resistance here and there but I've been amazed we went from I couldn't get her To take a bottle or do a nap to by the end of the next week So just four days right first Tuesday not great with Tish, but I just doubled down as like nope now Thursday I'm gonna do it alone It's gonna be just me and her figure it out.

53:32 I'm gonna figure it out. It was better No, it wasn't great, but it was much better the next Tuesday even better the next Thursday Good what I would call a good day, right? We're getting into a rhythm She's taking the bottle. She's doing she's getting her naps like she should then it's the challenge of One of the developmental things it's funny This gives you a clue as to what it's like living with my lovely wife seeing that the baby is four months four months, right? She's looking at six-month markers going. Well, yeah, one of the developmental markers socially is caregiver preference And you've know you've noticed this you've seen her a bunch of times. She's always kind of there and she smiled We show up at the party the other day and she starts crying She has at that point now where she She favors us, right So now we've got now I'm getting used to this but now you're introducing this week Monday.

54:30 I gotta work Kelly's going to work and Carrie's got to be there, right? So and she came over on Saturday spent a little time with us, but here it is rubber me throat. It's 9 a.m on Monday, I got a conference call at 10 o'clock and She's Okay with but she's doing this with everybody she did it with you Yeah, it was with you did with Trina. You have to do with my sister when she came over Anybody but us is a little She's a little fussy So now but now we got to do it. So I got I had this was one of the hardest things I Did I hated this? Monday I got a call. I got a conference call at 10 o'clock And not so I'm like, okay at 935.

55:15 I'm like, I'm gonna go downstairs To and we'll see how she does the minute. I leave the room Crying and I had to just white-knuckle it and Hear her. She cried for a solid half-hour And I mean and she never Cries, she doesn't cry Kelly never lets her get to that point where she's crying. So I'm down here. I'm working in this room She's upstairs Crying and about 10 minutes in so about 10 minutes into the conference call. It settles down a little and And she but that's what it was.

55:57 It wasn't that she settled down. He was exhausted She cries, uh, and and I'm like, I can't go upstairs. I can't go upstairs. I don't want to undo it Nope, so I toughed it out. I stayed down here. I had a 10 o'clock and 11 o'clock the 11 o'clock ended a little early And I ended up I heard her start crying again at like 10 minutes to noon and I thought okay I feel like this is a victory. I'm gonna go upstairs and I went upstairs and I see her and There's the bit like she's full-on red-faced Crying big tears on her cheeks. But as soon as I see her soon, she sees me.

56:37 Oh, he's here. She's she's fine She's better it was a similar experience to when When Kelly went through the trouble during childbirth and I felt helpless and they're like there's nothing to do The whole time as she's crying in the background my caveman brain is saying help her No, it's saying find someone to hurt It is aggression, it's something is wrong you need to find whatever the problem is and kill it right like that's what's going through My brain is is this like you like go? Go hit someone, you know, it was a challenging day, but I gotta say Carrie was an absolute Trooper she was so steady Knew it was gonna work out by the by the afternoon fast Improvements doing better the next day, which was yesterday Was a dream at one point.

57:31 She's waking her up and I'm watching on the cradle wise app So she goes in the baby's awake she goes in she's smiling at it like she's acting like she does with me Yeah, and then all of a sudden you can see she's like, oh, wait a minute I'm not supposed to like you and then BAM. She's into she starts crying doesn't want to be picked up But Carrie was great. She was able to give her both bottles. She was able to get her to go take her naps Having a good time with her by the end of the day yesterday At the beginning of the day she would still keep an eye and make sure I was around I was busy doing other stuff By the end of the day, I would it didn't matter. She was she was doing great but they're so adaptable like they They're gonna do it.

58:17 So she's gonna be with me again tomorrow So that'll be three days that she's had getting used to carry Yeah, this was this was the first time Where I could identify we just I think we just said maybe in the last episode when I would read these sad Posts on reddit from parents saying I don't know if I can do this anymore where I had those Very I did I get it? What am I in last Saturday? Yeah, like it was that last Saturday I was literally just out on the deck asking God to help me like just just at Kind of at the end of your rope like you just don't you don't know what to do and And you feel and at this what sucks is you feel guilty in that moment?

59:03 Yeah here. I have this beautiful little girl that I have dreamt about having a child and I'm not happy How can I not be happy like so you feel you feel bad because you don't know what to do and you feel guilty because Bothers I don't know the word not happy, but at that moment you just you were frustrated you're Yeah, you just don't know the answer and you're the kind of person that I'm supposed to know Now yeah, and when that doesn't Come to you or you don't have that option. Yeah, you're stuck with oh Shit, yeah, this is how it feels And I gotta figure it out, yeah, you know, that's the thing about doing what what I do all the time There's no for there's at this point in our lives.

59:55 There's not a lot of firsts. No, right, right We've done all this stuff before right? We know how we know how to do all the stuff that we need to do But this is the first is new on all kinds of levels of how to negotiate and navigate the relationship stuff Figuring out her unique things with the baby all that stuff that you're also dealing with the emotions of family Issues. Yes, I mean Yeah, not even with the baby, but just issues. Yeah, so you have to kind of fix that as you go along Well, yeah, right. I mean you have to kind of go. Oh, I also have this issue too. Yeah, we have to figure it was Not only with the baby, but with the family.

1:00:40 Yeah. No there was it was It was funny because at one point or another When we're getting going kind of going through this stuff with some of the family stuff with yeah with Kelly's mom and our Like and there was I'm online just trying to decompress. Yeah, and there's a meme that comes up and It was a spider-man comic and it was a spider-man comic that's kind of kind of a well-known one where spider-man is there's a bus that's about to run over a little kid in the street and Spider-man is holding stop is holding back the boss. I know exactly that picture right except somebody wrote on there The bus was your childhood emotional trauma the the kid in the street is your kid and It's spider-man is you trying to trying to save your kid from all your from the all your own shit And I thought that That's right where we both are right like and I think for me it's less for me It's not as much holding back my Stuff as it is not letting my stuff Caused me to react to Kelly's stuff, right?

1:01:57 Because that's what it is. Yeah, I am very much impacted when Kelly isn't happy. I Immediately Go into it's my like, what did I do? How did I fail? Yeah Yeah, I do like and I know I shouldn't do that. But that's what it's that the insecurity of She's met. She's this must be about me. Wow, if she's not happy Yeah, it absolutely is and I got it I have to stop I have to stop myself No But then that's one good thing is when the mother does crazy shit Oh, yeah. No, no, it's not me It's all yeah, this has been the most challenging Three weeks four weeks and you figured it out.

1:02:47 Oh, it's much better. I was just I was just telling Kelly earlier I'm like you're so much happier. She's like am I but well you seem like you look a lot You're and I think you do see it. I See it with her when that stuff is set aside she is free to Enjoy her time with the baby in a very different way and I can't imagine like the stuff the stuff that gets said I Don't care who you are. I don't care how mentally tough you are. No one their family deals with things by just Because none of them have a great Relationship with the I don't think they all are just like it's just the way it is and there's nothing you can do and they don't fight back they're like They don't take it.

1:03:37 They're like prisoners of war. Yeah, right. They act like there's just oh, that's the way it is This is what this is what we signed up for somehow and where I used to think No, like maybe if somebody just confronted her she wouldn't be so bad right and I don't think that anymore I I just think this is the first all I can do. Yes. All I can do is Try to do whatever I can to shield her to shield right Kelly and certainly shield the baby from any any Right collateral damage. Yeah, because yeah because we're already both working on She has to you know, she's I Know look I hear my dad's voice in my head every day of my life.

1:04:27 Yeah, and he's been gone a long time We were talking this morning and she's like it never shuts off. It's always whether I'm Interacting with her in person or on the phone or not. The voice is still there and you got to work You got to work through that stuff. That's it is. I mean everybody's got their stuff. Yeah, my mom wasn't mother Teresa I mean she had But I knew how much she would give and how much she would not let us be burdened with or She would never She would never pick that time to pick a fight But there'd be times where she did pick fights at times were like not really now so I could see my mother I don't want to say be like that, but she had traits of that.

1:05:11 Yeah, dude. Yeah, she had traits of oh Let me let me throw this at you Now where you probably don't want to hear it I'm gonna say something that happened that I didn't like and you're like, why would you do that? My mom did have that and but she had Better moments in that moment, right? Yeah, but she would throw that in there. Yeah Yeah, so I could see where Kelly Feels because we've been part of that. I don't know how your mom was your mom would never would my she would not know my mom No, you know what would get me with my mom if I did something that Bothered my mom or that hurt my mom. There was no her telling me later You could just read it on her face.

1:05:56 Okay, and that was appointed and that was the just of a gut punch was it right for me that was that I could see it and Yeah, she was but my dad was much more like That like where he would Remind you of anything you did that was that was in his mind out of line The thing I thought was funny the funny part of the whole interaction. So she does this Kelly tells me about it. I Send the text and I was just very matter-of-fact like hey what you did said a few things What I thought it was and asked apology but and what I thought was what I sent the text to Her both of Kelly's parents, okay, and her siblings so they kind of all saw it was a family Yeah, I was family tax.

1:06:44 It was open to family. Yeah, and the after she talked to her her mother subsequently I asked if Her father had any because I might because my point with with Kelly was look your father hasn't anything wrong in my mind your mother did this like I You know, he doesn't need to apologize The father the father took one issue Is I addressed her by her first name when I opened the tax I said her name. This is Frank Instead of I guess what you call her mrs. Oh, I don't know why That was the issue that he took and I said some pretty bad some rough He said they're going What can I not agree with oh you called her soon Yeah, you should have addressed her by her formal name not like I couldn't Literally laugh.

1:07:45 I laughed out loud. I'm like I said I used three words that nobody would want if somebody said about my wife I'd kill him that says so much about what the father thinks about Right This is so I can't disagree with anything but a name. Hey, you know what crawler by miss? Miss Smith, I think that's funny. It's challenging. You know, we I don't want to overshare. This is one of the things doing the podcast I'm I try to be very sensitive to You know, this is yeah, this is real stuff and there's real emotions behind it And we're not out to hurt anybody as much as it would be podcast goal to give you every gory detail I don't want to do that.

1:08:31 I don't want to do that to a crime Yeah That's what I did say that they're like the next time your mom says she's worried about your safety tell her She should be more worried about her own. I mean, come on Are you looking to the next moment that you guys are together the awkward moment or I lead it out? Pretty clearly that if that there won't be a nice if there isn't an apology to Kelly in front of me that There won't be any interaction with me or or the baby. Gotcha period so I Can't tell I won't I wouldn't ever Tell Kelly she can't yeah, but but no there won't be So I I don't think I think if she is bullheaded enough if she's stubborn enough not to and she has already Had conversation with with Kelly since and has not apologized and kind of double they are talking Kelly reached out to just kind of pull the band-aid off and I think she did well in How she addressed it and tried to stand up for herself in a way that she probably hasn't okay in the past But no, there was no there was no apology coming.

1:09:41 There was no. No, it was how wrong I was To even dare Right and dare stand up for my way. Yeah Yeah, yeah their thought it's interesting their thought is well, you just shouldn't tell you shouldn't tell your husband these things Yeah, this is between this is between us our fight. This is me ripping you apart And you can't have anybody back until the person who's gonna protect you. Yeah yeah, so Honestly, I I'm as disappointing as it is because it should be as simple as I'm sorry Like that's all I that's all I asked for is an apology Yeah, you're not right. You're not saying I'm gonna fix you or just you shouldn't be doing this to your daughter who's already Facing other issues.

1:10:25 You should be supporting. Yeah, right I'm not even saying to me to be supportive. Just don't be mean, right? That's what I mean. That's being supportive. Yeah Well, no, don't throw me. You don't have to be nice to not be mean right? You can just be neutral I'm asking for Switzerland like leave me just just don't be mean to her and if that can't crazy how humans treat each other Yeah, and you're supposed to be I don't know how With what I and I know there's look I've got a lot of ahead of me but you're you're you're Two decades plus into your relationship with your sons. Yeah, what would you what what could they ever do?

1:11:09 to make you I Don't think there's anything. I don't think you have ever said anything a Tenth as critical or mean. Oh my god, either of your boys ever And if I have oh my god, I will I will bend over backwards to say That is not anything. I mean, I want to you right think of me thinking of that about you I can't imagine ever getting to a place with my daughter That I would ever say anything so hurtful Even if I thought it was for her own good, right? I wouldn't do it in that.

1:11:49 I wouldn't be able to do it and but and at the same time if something got you to that point of You're just saying crap out of your mouth to your kids. You would think within moments Seconds later, you'd be like, what am I doing? What am I saying? I'm so sorry. No. Oh my god, right? I mean because we get emotional and I'm sure my kids have have put me through some emotions. Sure I remember when you know, it's talking about, you know Accidents that happen. Yeah, and you go And then you come back. Oh my god this person. Why am I yelling? I should be happy that you're nobody's hurt and no one's you know, so To think that the mother does not turn around and go yeah, and what am I doing to you?

1:12:37 Sorry, and that's the thing. It wasn't and it wasn't like yeah somebody, you know broke a vase No, this was oh, this is a way so you're not home So Frank can't hear Okay, I'm going to nail it. I know I'm gonna go down the list. That's that's more evil It's like oh, he's not here to protect you. Hi. Gotcha. Yeah It's like like you said I look at my kid like my son I dropped him off today at the airport with his you know, his girlfriend and the sister to go into a family In Tennessee, they're going to a family vacation and I felt like I was dropping off my three-year-old They call me when you get to the airport and then call me when you get there and then when you get home and then he FaceTime me At the police dad look at this other Airbnb and I was like, okay be good and that's 24 years old Yeah, he lives with his girlfriend.

1:13:30 But to me, he's my he's my baby And yeah, I would I would fight and kill anyone that would put anything towards us Right. Yeah. Yeah I feel and not for another and I know she's looks she's my wife and I love her But I don't know how like I don't know how you do better like my wife's awesome Like she's right. She's she's smart. She's successful. She does a job. Her work is very admirable She shows love. She helps people right like it is like yeah, what more could you want? What are you looking? What do you worry going here? Yeah, and it has to be jealousy It has to be something like maybe you're better than me.

1:14:13 I don't know. I'm just I'm not saying that Yeah, but for someone to go against your child Yeah, and not want everything for them, right I want you to be better smarter better looking taller Thinner fatter, whatever you I want you to be everything better than me. Yeah. Yeah, I don't I don't understand I am NOT going to make you feel at one at any moment that I'm not by your side And I'm not your number one cheerleader. I do think on some level I Think she knows it's wrong because if she didn't She would as she'd say it in front of me.

1:14:53 She wouldn't wait for the time to be an ass, right? She would I'm sorry that you don't pick your spot, right? Did you know that's wrong right? Yeah, or if you're really concerned you're loop pulling me in saying, okay I'm concerned about my granddaughter and let's talk about no, you don't operate goodness Good doesn't operate in the shadows, right? Can I ask you a question? I don't know if you know this sure when she had these children and she hasn't four of them I believe they're four in their family. She she stayed at home. Yeah. Okay. She was a stay-at-home. Yeah Yeah, and I think she had to but didn't okay, right and I do and I and that was so she holds that against everybody That was I think that was part of the content of some of the things that she said which so It's too bad, it's too bad the way Kelly has dealt with it in the past is to just Get along go along.

1:15:54 Yeah, just let it go and and and so me doing these things is hard for her but I do think maybe this time she's seeing a little bit differently because there is the added thing of She knows if it's just her she swallow it and she deals with it and she can kind of pretend like it doesn't affect her but it does but now she there is a visit there's visible evidence that no you were connected to this little girl and It's gonna seep through I was gonna say this it has to be different now because Before when her mother was doing anything like this Kelly wasn't a mother herself Yes, and now Kelly knows oh I'm a mother and I know how I feel about being a mother now.

1:16:41 I can see that. This is not healthy the way that this relationship was because she had no she had no there was no guideline there was no Line of like oh, I'm not a mother I don't know how it feels to be a mother But now she is I think that is part of it that there's a different calculus going on in her mind Now because she feels this relationship and how how it feels and it becomes that much more difficult To understand and accept right? I felt like in that moment I could have just not done anything and I know in the moment Kelly would have been happier Then if I had done nothing, but I also knew If I that in that moment when she told me and I saw oh, no, it's not better She was just waiting for her opportunity to strike.

1:17:34 Yeah. Yeah, that's never gonna go away. The baby's just gonna get older She's gonna have new complaints about what she thinks we're doing wrong. And what and and all those things. It's never gonna change and And I don't want that to continue to impact Kelly and I certainly don't want to let it impact the baby. So I'm I'm optimistic that it's gonna Help it's gonna make things harder There's not gonna be you know, I'm pretty sure pretty sure they're not gonna come to the cookout this summer But awkward. Yeah, but that's that's what let me tell you sometimes and I know we're people of faith sometimes things have to happen to For other things to happen a dynamo, you know, like the falling domino effect that kind of puts you guys back in track with Yourselves.

1:18:25 Yeah. Yeah, maybe that something had to happen To make everything right again. Yeah, and unfortunately, it's easy to lose sight of the things when you're so close to them and that put it in perspective right away like I'm supposed to defend this person and I haven't and I've been making her My you've been always me. I've been making her my opponent. Yeah, this is somebody the person I'm supposed to protect and And it did help it did help in no way But that was so there was there was there was some of that stuff It's not all as I think a lot of times on the podcast, I'm always talking about how wonderful and happy and It is it's I don't care who you are and every you can have every advantage.

1:19:12 Yeah, it is hard but absolutely Worth it in every way, but the family drama is tough And we've said this from day one this podcast will change as life goes on at first Everything was positive and we put some we had some scary moments in there Well, you know you had some moments with with the pregnancy Yeah And this will continue with there's gonna be real times that we're dealing with it might be you right now It could also I'm still a parent of yeah of young adults. Yeah. This is the first time I'm dealing with my son living with someone. Yeah, this is the first time I've never had to deal with him having a girlfriend and Actually moving in together.

1:19:56 So this podcast will be most the time a positive Round of learning but life is gonna take over and say yeah, this is also happy There's always something we don't want to fake it. Everything's like, oh great. You have a baby and everything gets fixed I'm gonna be as honest as as my producer allows me to be but we'll see how it all goes But on a much happier note, yeah, there's have been all kinds of Wonderful new things with the baby beyond that so we had the first party We took her to was a another graduation. We had that party then we had a trip We went to Buffalo before all this stuff blew up with Kelly's mom Uh-huh, we went there and got to see we got to meet baby Armand in person.

1:20:39 I was very fun We went out on the boat. Yeah Got the baby out there and We had a nice day. We went it was the 4th of July went out to three-mile Bay So you actually took the boat out? Oh, yeah one time you saw me you just wanted we had gone to the boat No, we we took it out. Yeah, we were okay we went uh, we went a little cruise around the islands and went to three-mile Bay hung out there for a while and Yeah, we did we did good and with the dogs too. So it was all all of us together Yeah, it was nice and then just this past Sunday we were at Nicky's graduation and We got to got to do that. That was by far the loudest of the parties Yeah, you it was a lot of talking it was but it was nice to see everybody and and I was happy I did Unfortunately didn't get to see Lou But longer Next day.

1:21:36 Yeah. Yeah. So it was nice to see you coming in with the baby. I'm like, oh my god I forgot that it would be that you know, yeah, I'll be there. So absolutely Wouldn't miss it. And yeah, and like you said before the crying the minute I walked out And I think I've seen I've seen Josie a little bit more than obviously Trina Trina yeah, we're working on that and still that that the whole scene was really out of control with a Screaming and people and music and this so it's she did good. She did good But that is that it's just another sign that she's ahead of the curve with a six-month. That's right Milestone of being scared everybody. That's funny.

1:22:17 Have we talked about the mouse hole? Not at all This is this is something that goes to show I've decided I won't I won't be able to give my dog a mouse Everything that hurt all of her friends have but I'll be able to give her things that none of her friends And what we're doing so her room backs up The wall in her nursery backs up to the hallway that goes downstairs to come down here. Right? So what I'm doing is building a little Like a fairy door like a little little teeny Door into the into the baseboard and It's going to have next to it a little bay window and there's going to be a little a little log cabin Built into the wall so that she'll be able to see in there where we will tell where the magical Maybe a mouse A mouse that lives in the wall.

1:23:21 So I have literally made its own house It's got it's gonna have a it has I already have I'm using like dollhouse furniture So I got a little rocking chair a little stone fireplace a little side table The fireplace is going to have flames in it that light up. I have a little gas lamp I cannot wait this little girl Her school friends and teachers that there's a living mouse house Don't you have a mouse? Yeah, where's yours? What do you have in your wall? This is this is the result of having a Childhood that was far too based in reality. Yeah that I didn't have Where I just want to want to create I'm like I'm like at Christmas time, there'll be a little Christmas tree will show up.

1:24:12 So I so I'm working on it now So that's great I caught a giant hole in the other wall so I can basically build this little like a diorama And put it in the wall and we'll be able to do what we need to do So I'll put up some pictures as we I've ordered the the door itself. I Already have the bay window the door itself. I ordered from somewhere in England. It's in customs right now And but it's the cutest it looks like a little like a fairy door but I've got that and I It's I took to make it look like a log cabin. I found 3 8 inch dowels cut in half That I applied to the walls and then stained so it looks just like a little log cabin Got a little door.

1:24:58 You're gonna be so good at the Children's school projects and yes, the parents do the projects Yeah, no one's going to believe Like who made these planets, yeah We'll see I will be I'll try to be helpful But no, it's been it's been a fun little project. So I got all these little parts and pieces. That's gonna be so So she so she's gonna be like able to peek through She's gonna look in the window and see the fireplace. He's a family. Whatever the little rocking chair He'll never be home, right? But that'll be and then Christmas time. Oh, look. Mr. Mouse put up a Christmas Tree Halloween.

1:25:40 Oh, look me put out his you've taken elf on the shelf to a next Yes, you you're creating this big world inside a wall a 1 24th scale Exact log cabin the whole thing now. Why lock him? well, cuz I thought I wanted to do something that looked like it fit in with the general theme of Winnie the Pooh and the woods gotcha. So it'll look like a little sense, you know So I'm hoping it blends in I got I got some fake moss for the top the little roof of the bay window It's so right now. There's something Right now there's just a hole in the room and then there's the open panel But the the room because I'm building the room in like a box so I can show you the room.

1:26:28 Okay, I'll post I'll post some pictures So excited Podcast because I want to see this. That's it. It's excited. It is I Sit there. I sit there with my little exacto knife and I'm like, I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm so happy to do it It's it's very weird, but you're just imagining a little girl kind of like looking through right? She's already jumping She's gonna believe It wasn't real She's gonna look back on this and think my goodness how how they must love loved me to do this or It's gonna be a subject in therapy.

1:27:14 Like so they lied to me. They told me there was a mouse, right? He had a Christmas tree there was a Christmas a little rocking chair somebody changed it It couldn't have been my parents they're not that crazy, why would they do this? It's it's a fun little project awesome. Anyhow, so you will you'll get to see some updates with that and the other we're ready I just did some work with the closet. We're almost ready for paint in the nursery otherwise and then whenever the ferry door clears customs I Can install that Not an Amazon thing this is No, it's hard to find.

1:28:01 I had the literally like the it's hard to find things. I didn't know this I've learned all kind about dollhouse stuff now, but dollhouses are typically 1 12th scale course One inch is a foot But that's too big to live in this space that I'm doing So I had to find 1 24th scale half scale But there's not a lot of stuff out there so to find a bay window in Half scale. The only one I could find was out of production. It's been out of production for years. Just like that book So exactly so I had to find I had to search the globe and find it on eBay I think it's great anything for I think it's for a little girl I'm just worried about what else is gonna go through your crazy mind as I'll tell you right now What the next thing that I am looking forward to designing and building is Some some kind of outdoor playhouse, of course, it's gonna be and that's gonna that a castle I always thought if it was a little boy, it would be fun to make like a pirate ship Wouldn't it but and I would really love to do a treehouse, but I have no trees That would that would accommodate that but yeah, that'll be the net.

1:29:15 That'll be the big project You don't think pirate ships would be for a little girl. Yeah, it could be then I don't want her to be a pirate wench But I don't want her to be a pirate. I don't know. I'm thinking it's gonna be more a whimsical castle Something with a drawbridge or a moat Something like that It'll be it might be big but that's you go either one 24th scale For scale or I'm gonna need a permit No, no, it's not another house, it's just a playhouse It's 1200 square feet and has a concrete foundation It's just oh, I cannot wait where this goes We'll see what it goes.

1:30:04 Thank you again for joining us. We hope you had fun and we'll see you again soon Well folks, that's another episode of the gray hair and daycare podcast in the books Thanks very much for tuning in and spending this time with us. We hope it was fun If you enjoyed this week's descent into the madness of dadness be sure to subscribe to the podcast So you don't miss any of our future adventures while you're at it Give us a like and share the cast with your friends on Facebook Instagram Twitter carrier pigeon, whatever you crazy kids are using Have any hilarious parenting stories of your own? Questions about navigating fatherhood later in life or even when normal people do it email us at ghdc.podcast at gmail.com We'd love to hear from you.

1:30:50 And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going